Catholic Animal Lover!

I’m sure that it probably can, and if not, contributes widely to most of the ailments a person can face…I’ve been coming face to face with so much stress daily, that I’m sure my baby is going to come out of my womb freaking out and with a forming ulcer!

Sounds like a joke, but honestly! Oy vey…Living here with family is making me lose my wits daily, and fighting with my Mother is really wearing. We are so obnoxious and stubborn the both of us, it seems.

Not to mention my husband had an epiphany yesterday, or something like that (in the negative sense), because of something I said, and he almost freaked out. He takes things too technically, and constantly equates everything to everything that’s already over and past..

A friend wrote to me today, telling me how she loves her life, and how it’s been so healthy, and that’s surely because there’s no longer any stress…hah!

To feel that way…grr…

Yep. It already is. Can you believe it? Craziness. I woke up this morning realizing it’s already the 8th and I hadn’t written a blog yet for this year. Man am I slow, heh.

Well, I have a bit of excuses…Stress, being pregnant, stress…oh wait, I listed that one already! But it’s definitely a factor in my and my hubby’s life right now. But what can one expect? We are living in a bedroom in my parent’s house, and it’s a crazy situation.  We are trying to make the best of it. I give major props to husband–he’s a saint of patience (well, most times!), and good Catholic mind. And he has to deal with me! Crazy, pregnant, stubborn, stressed-to-the-nines, hating being here, not fully understanding my faith, etc…So he deals with a lot.

Plus, we’ve not been able to find him work yet, and it’s getting tough. Christmas we a disaster of stress, sickness, fighting, and over-all wastefulness. He was sick in bed with a terrible fever and stomach bug, I was morning sick all day, Long Island Sister and I were at each other’s throats…so yeah. The gifts were nice, but it was just chaos. As usual here. I wanted to much more for my first Christmas married, y’know?

But one thing I’m learning as a married woman in a poor, chaotic situation–I’ll have to settle for a lot. We live, we learn.

New Year’s was slightly better–ok, much, because one of my best friends from NY, who I’ve not seen in over a year, came down to visit, and ended up staying for 3 days, which was awesome! But there was a lot of tension between hubby and myself, and certainly parentals, so it made the visit a bit stressful. Poor guy, he’s a sweetheart. Ugh. I can’t wait to be out of this house!

But I am trying to find myself wasting less time this year, and have decided that I want to concentrate more on writing stories/my book than articles. It’s just not my thing. Not right now, anyway. I’ve been getting my letters written, trying to get the inclination back to draw again, and keep things clean in our little room. But I get so bored easily. There’s only so many movies we can watch and time we can waste…gaaaah!

We’re also talking about the whole moving thing…but that’s another blog for another time. Peter wants to stay in PA, I’d rather die!

I can’t believe it’s 2009 already. Of course I still keep writing ‘08 on my letters and such. It’ll catch up though. My resolution this year is to make something of my time, and to get more focused towards God’s will for my life. That’s all I can do…

Life is so odd sometimes. And stressful. And crazy. And a pain. And yet, somehow, wonderful seems to still creep through. I’ll never stop being amazed at the wonderfulness when it creeps in. I just forget to look sometimes.

We’ve ended up at my parents’ house. I just want to say no one should EVER EVER live with their family/inlaws if they’re married. It’s ridiculous. And stresses out a couple’s life to no end.

That said…our marriage has been under severe strain, and not only that, we’ve come to a crossroads. We were fighting way too much, and I was too blind to see what was going on, or how I was hurting a man who only loves me, and only tries. So finally, when it got to the point where we were “no longer friends”, I had to realize there are things worth fighting for, even in this hell-hole house.

We got to go to Confession and the Traditional Latin Mass at St.Michael’s in Scranton. The parish wasn’t as bare as I thought it’d be, and was in fact quite beautiful. And the choir was awesome! It made the Mass not so “boring” to me, and in fact, I had that thing where suddenly things “hit” me, and make sense to me. Especially in the faith. With all the confusion and struggles I have with my faith, when God works a mirale of understanding in me, it’s something that just happens suddenly–or it wouldn’t happen any other way!

The Mass was beautiful, and I look forward to going back next Sunday! The only thing that sucked was when we went downstairs after, for coffee hr, everything cost $! It was odd. They sold like, pancakes and egg sandwiches! It was odd. And I didn’t feel like paying 50cents for my Church coffee!

Also, the Confessionals were in the back of the Church, and though we got there when Confession was to be starting, there was already a long line up the side of the Church. When Mass was to start, the priest left the C.box, and another priest went in the other Confessional on the other side, a young priest. So Confession went on all through Mass! I felt so bad for the people who were still in line when Holy Communion happened, becuase they didn’t get to receive. When we went into the Confessional, it was SO hard to hear! I could barely hear the preist, and had my ear ON THE GRATE! It was ridiculous. It was a good Confession, though I think he forgot some of my sins when he gave advice, but it was a great feeling to be God’s grace again. I missed that feeling.

So yeah, I still wish everything was English, but I’m coping. The choir was really nice. And after, when we decided we didn’t want any coffee/food for $, I went up to a conservative-looking young woman with a baby girl that was ADORABLE, and hanging from a carrier in front of her. I asked her if she’d made the thing, and told her how adorable her baby was. Turns out, her and her hubby live about 20mins from where we do! They’re young, have 3 little ones, and though they normally attend a parish closer to them, they’re planning to join St. Michael’s (more than likely). It was awesome. I felt so elated to meet others like ourselves (sort of, heh). And the husband–ironic–is a convert from the S.Baptist world!! We exchanged info, and are hopefully going to hang with them sometime. How nifty is that? It made my day.

Hubby still hasn’t found a job that’ll get back to him, but there are some prospects. And I need to start writing more…

Soo, a long time later…

We hopped into a Budget truck, moved across the Country again, and ended up back in PA. Back into my parents’ house. It’s a frying pan to fire situation. We are broke, stuck here, had a rough ride down (I drove the whole way, pregnant and crazy! lol).  But everything is crazy.

This place just does things to people. Like, depressing, painful things. Peter and I are up in the boys’ room, which is the hottest room in the house. We are crammed on a little bed, which is comfortable enough, but which is too small. It’s not that we’re not grateful, because we are. But the strain has been tough on our marriage.

Stress like you wouldn’t believe, and chaos. The worst factor is the lack of Mass aspect. Peter needs to get to Latin Mass, and I need to be back in a stable Catholic Church of some sort. It’s rediculous. Our faith is so strained. And being the only Catholics in this house/atmosphere, we’re pretty alone. Dad decided last minute we couldn’t go to Mass last wk, because a storm was supposedly coming. Turned out, it didn’t, and hubby was so bitter, he was blaming me all day for the lack of Mass.

We’re hating it here, but we’re having to stay here for now. Better than TX, but just barely. But I am glad to be back in the North East, though I wish I was in NY.

Anyway, I am finding everything tough. I need to find a way to strengthen my faith, and get out of this place, and us out of this straining situation.

Or we’ll wither and die.

I am hoping our new journey will be our “resurrection day”, but I’m not entirely sure, heh.

We are planning on leaving TX over the next couple of weeks, and head back East. We’re not entirely sure where we’re going, or how we’re going to pay for anything after that, but we know we’re going back. Tomorrow we go to talk to the apt. complex managers, and try to negotiate breaking our lease. We have to get out of here before the Holidays (mainly Christmas for me). Plus, we need to get nearer people we know.

And mostly important, especially for Peter, is to get him nearer a Traditional Latin Mass. He is suffering. Our faiths, both, are rocking, and stressed. He insists the Latin Mass will help. Of course, me having all the doubts and depressions and confusions I do–just want to start getting back to Church in general. And get into a parish family, if there exists such a thing in the Catholic Church. Haven’t seen it yet, but have heard tell, heh.

Everything is so crazy! I’ve been so sick lately..every day. But I’m hoping I can still drive the truck back. It’ll be interesting to see.

God save us from all the craziness ahead! Money has vanished, sanity nearly has, and faith is stretched to its limits. I can’t stay here, my family can’t stay here. Amarillo is a terrible place to live–it’s so bland and ugly and un-thrilling. Not to mention un-Catholic! I hate the weather so much–it was Nov.2nd, and 81*! What the heck is that?! Gross.. Everything here is making me spiritually, mentally, emotionally–sick.

Again, Lord have mercy!

Oh, and as an added note, my hubby thought I may have insulted his friend with my last post. So if the “friend” finds my blog, reads it, and is insulted, many sorries from me. I meant no offense. I didn’t have a good day, and didn’t enjoy any of it, so I just was venting.

Ok, that’s it for now..got some house cleaning to do…

Well, we ended up going to the San Miguel Mission, in Santa Fe, NM on the 19th. It was a crazy day/crazy trip. I really wasn’t going to go–again–that morning, because I had gotten about an hr and a half of sleep the night before, and I wasn’t looking forward to the trip, traveling, or going to Santa Fe. It just held nothing for me, y’know?

So my hubby and I went back and forth, and finally, when he jumped in the shower, I got dressed quickly, and ready. We ended up meeting his new friend in the parking lot. Climbing into the back of his friend’s mini-SUV (which was both too high, and too cramped for me to get into really), wasn’t really that great. My bad knees hurt like crazy during most of the trip down. I took some pictures of the landscape from Amarillo to Santa Fe (the first two are TX)—which didn’t really change much at all…

…excepting the slight elevation and rocky mini-mts. Like mesas, I guess.

Anyway. Hubby and friend talked theological chatter. They had certain grounds and traditional Catholic-ness in common, but not really much else. Plus, my husband had come from work that night, and so had had no sleep at all. So halfway through the 4 1/2hr trip, he was starting to fade. I could tell, and felt so badly for him. He wants so much to be in the traditional Mass, that he will do whatever he must. Dedicated man. I wish I had his fervor.

We made a stop or two, which I was glad about–being pregnant means having to need a bathroom a lot! It was crazy how the gas stations along the way, in the middle of no-where, ripped everyone off by having gas almost a $1 more than at regular stations–just because they could.

The tough thing about the day was the trip, the company, the car, the lack of sleep–all left something to be desired, so it wasn’t very fun, interesting, or worth it–at least for me. I dislike the flat scenery out in these-here-areas, and the browny-greeny-sandy-ness of it all. I’m just not cut out for this part of the country, I guess!

The Mission itself, which is circa 1610, was really cute, and as we headed into where it was, everything was adobe. All the buildings my eyes took in   which were cool to see, but not overly-impressive for me (again). These are the general pictures of the San Miguel Mission…

The San Miguel Mission is really more of a tourist trap than a Church it seems, so the Mass was pretty stripped down, and the people not very reverant Latin-Mass-goer-types. But it was cute, and the white walls inside were cool to touch, heh. They have a great Icon of our Lady of Perpetual Help that was a 12th century Icon. The oldest house in the US is right across the street from the Mission, which was cute to see. My favorite part of the Mission was the artwork on the Icon wall (as I call it)–it was all hand painted, you could tell, and so old. The picture doesn’t do it justice, but it was so colorful and really nifty–

And their Icon/Painting of St. Michael the Archangel above one of the doors on our way out (another picture the bad lighting didn’t do justice!)…

We ate at a really cute pizza place, also across the street from the Mission, and the Calzones, although different than I’m used to, weren’t that bad…

The trip home, we mostly slept. Me in front this time, with the friend. I fell asleep too, though, for about 2hrs. Then woke up as our friend stopped to get some Mt. Dew, due to almost dozing off on the road (!!). So I small-talked to him for most of the trip home.

All in all, Peter enjoyed the Mass, which was all in Latin, said by a really old priest, and not very helpful to me. But the rest of the trip just really didn’t cut it. I can’t wait to get out of here!

Ended up sooo tired. We stayed in bed most of Monday, just catching up on sleep! And my knees were so sore.  But anyway, it was good to receive, kneeling, on the tongue (which is how we alwaze do, even when surrounded by people receiving in the hand). We need all the graces we can get! God bless you all…