Catholic Animal Lover!

So my goal is to sometime today/tonight find out the true background story behind St. Valentine’s Day, and why in the world America has a random Catholic holiday?! I mean, at least St. Patty’s Day goes along with all the Irish immigrants, right? So when hubby and I read the Propers for today, I’ll look into it.

Today was the first day for husband’s new job–it’s a 12hr shift that he had to be up by 5:30am for. But the day will end up being really long for him (and brother), because he left at about 6am. He’s gonna be hurting today, I know that much. Not much longer till he gets home, thank God. I miss him, and feel for him; I woke up earlier today, but made myself get back in bed just trying to kill time till I see him again–my heart misses him when he’s gone, even to work. Especially since I know it’s going to be tough day for him.

But he and my brother lucked out with this contract job, and because they wouldn’t work on Sundays–they get tomorrow off, and only have to work a few days a week before 2 or 3 off. It’s a weird schedule, and shift, but beggers can’t be choosers, right? I am thankful for the job, I really am, and am hoping we can save the $ that comes in from it, though I pretty much suck at that aspect of life (oy vey!)!

The tough thing about this job is it’s a temp job, really. The branch they’re working for is normally a swing shift–which hubby can’t work, with me and everything–and doesn’t give Sundays off. So, this job is only guaranteed for about 2 months. Then they may kick them out, or say they have to work swing, which my man won’t. So we’re still looking for a “real” job, and it’s tough.

I know it’s tough on him, and his provider instinct. But he doesn’t realize what an amazing man he is, and how much he does indeed provide for me. No man tries harder, and he has it where it counts–in his heart. We must just accept God’s will for our lives may be to struggle right now *or forever lol*, and we have to learn to trust Him…But man, it’s hard!

Older Sister and her hubby and baby came up today for an overnight stay. I was planning to stay away, but after searching my heart, and praying for strength, I decided against it, and was glad I had. The baby loves her Aunt Audrey, oddly enough (I have a thing, and kids just like me, I swear!), and I am glad to see her and respond to a baby, even if I don’t approve of everything older Sis does with her fam.

But it’s alwaze been like that; we’ve never gotten along too well (except when maybe we were little kids), and have never been on the same track of life–we do so many things opposite, and rarely approve of what the other does. Plus, given the lack of God-factor, it’s tough to connect with her. But I connect with the little one, and that’s what matters to me.

I am trying to be a good Aunt, so when the little baby is older, she doesn’t only remember raging showdowns between her mother and me, but rather a good Catholic Aunt that loves her. It’s an area where I can be a witness, of some sort.

So, it IS indeed St. Valentine’s Day today, which is of course a highly commercialized holiday, and one which I really don’t enjoy, because of that aspect. I hate the concept of a specific day when you’re supposed  to give your loved one/s gifts/flowers/candy, etc. That’s one of the things I love about my Man–he’s amazing, and will buy me something special and heartfelt when I don’t expect it, thereby making the gift so much more special. Expecting stuff on Valentine’s Day is obnoxious!

But, silly man that he is, he got me some kind of secret gift!!! The rat! I love him so much, heh. I guess Mom and little siblings knew about the gift, which was something he ordered and arrived with his name on it. Mom had the box in her room, and I only found out last night when Little Sister found a package with my name on it, and I wanted to see if it was the ATC cards I ordered to paint. She didn’t want me to open the package,and told me why. So I let her open it, and sure enough it was what I ordered from Artfire.com.

But I guess husband’s gift arrived today and was in Mom’s room hidden, till Dad brought it out, asking what it was. Mom tried to stop me from getting it, but BWAHAHAHAHA! I really want to open it, but heh, I’ll wait till Hubby gets home, so he can give it. He’s so cute, really. I have no idea what it is, though it feels  like a VHS or a book or something. I have no idea…

Excited! Surprises are fun–even if it is St. Valentine’s Day, and I don’t normally enjoy that concept, heh!

More on the ATCs later…I’m really trying to get my creative level up; got a couple more plaster animals–turtle and a dinosaur–to paint and hopefully sell. I want eventually to get some classes on painting so I can be worth a dang, but for now I’ll have to practice with my own brain!

I am so weak in my faith, and such a struggling bad example of a Catholic, as my husband constantly reminds me (not by saying as such, but in saying how “Protestant/anti-Catholic” I seem…).

Weather permitting, tomorrow we head to St. Michael’s for Confession and then Mass. I really do miss it. I feel so empty, and I know I’m not in a good way. I admit, I’ve purposely not gone to Mass in weeks past, or held my anger against hubby as a reason to stay..but we also were held up by weather, etc. It’s really sucky being at the mercy of other people for such a vital element for our souls! My parentals just consider it ‘church’, so if we can’t go, well, we’ll go next week. But what if our souls are so lax, and something happens to us?! *sigh* I cannot wait to get out of this house, and back on our own again.

Anyway. I am reading a booklet that one of our priests recommended to me one week in the Confessional booth, entitled “Uniformity With God’s Will” by St. Alphonsus de Liguori (1696-1787). I really suck at reading through things, or keeping focus, or I guess just being interested enough to read long enough, but I am trying. And my goal this year is to not stop till I finish what I’m reading. Even a 31pg booklet! And even if it takes me a month! So I’ve been picking it up every few days and reading a few paragraphs or so.

I’ve actually found this to be helpful to me, because so much good, wise writing into my brain at one time doesn’t usually get heeded. This way, I can learn a little at a time. We do what we must, right?  So I’ve been reading, and learning–or trying to–because I know my will is not conclusive with God’s. But it’s a major struggle for me to know what God’s will is. I mean, I know it’s good and holy, but what IS IT in daily life??

So that’s a struggle.

Also, another point I’m having a tough time with is the concept St. Alphonsus states that everything comes from God, even the dark stuff. Which I guess in a way is true, but he writes:

“When anything disagreeable happens, remember it comes from God and say at once, “This comes from God” and be at peace…Lord, since Thou hast done this, I will be silent and accept it. Direct all your thoughts and prayers to this end…”

I guess it’s more about knowing God wants what’s best, and KNOWS what’s best, and is alwaze working our lives for good if we follow Him, right? It’s times like these I feel so dumb, and wish I had Catholic counsel, perhaps a good priest to talk to, and to get things explained by.

Of course, I am praying daily to be in God’s will, whatever it may be, and will start working on accepting whatever He “throws” at me with peace (don’t know how in the world one starts that LOL!). And I am a work in progress. I can only pray that God will have pity on me, and show me something simple to grasp.

I really enjoy the booklet, though, and St. Alphonsus has great wisdom.

Lord have mercy.