Catholic Animal Lover!

We found out late last week that husband’s great Aunt passed away…She was 102! Craziness! But anyway..Hubby was supposed to be a pallbearer, so we figured a way to send him back to MA.

After Mass on Sunday, I took him to the bus station, which is about a mile from Church. I was so ill all through Mass–felt like I was going to faint. But I think a lot of it was because of him leaving. I’ve never been away from him for more than 1 night, really in a lonnnnng time. It hurt my heart, y’know?

He’s been gone till today. Well, last night, he had to go to Boston at 7pm from New Bedford, and take a 1am bus which layed over in NYC for about 3hrs. But the crazy thing is, he was supposed to be in by 11am, but he was almost stranded, because we got slammed with a snow storm!

The whole NorthEast area did, methinks. 3 of my friends from NY came down, and were to leave tonight, but got stranded for another day! YAYAYAYAYAY! The snow is great fun.

Of course right now it’s sleeting, heh. Which sucks.

But anyway…So Dad and Mom gave me a huge stress and dissertation about the weather and how no one was going to get my hubby who’d been in between stations and busses for about 10hrs…Then after I was done freaking out about it, and stressed to the point of pain in my tummy (:-( ) , Dad said he’d go and get hubby!

So now I await his return. We’re all lounging around, as a snowday will make people do. I miss him so much, though. SO MUCH!!!

It’s weird how much I feel when he’s not with me. I told him it’s like the song on The Lion King 2–”We are one, you and I/We are like the Earth and Sky…”

I’m so glad that friends are here, though. It’s helped ease the pain a bit. And hopefully we’ll all play a game (board, or card–not console!!) soon together!

My last blog was a bit on the stressful wave…Sorry about that friends! Been having a bit of a tough time.

Last night was a great time because husband (mostly, and me a little bit) got to speak in depth for about 4 hrs to one of my brothers about the Catholic Church and faith, and salvation. It was hubby’s birthday, so after he ate some great berry crisp that I’d made him (if I do say so myself!!), my brother came home from work at almost 1am, and just started talking. I don’t remember why they started speaking about salvation and the Church, but whatever the reason, God was moving through the conversation. The discussion became heated, in the sense that this particular brother is sharp as a tack, and was actually challenging husband to know his stuff, heh.

My brothers hold some pretty screwed up views of Catholics, as well as salvation and the road to heaven/hell, due to having been raised in a screwed up Baptist home, and then having years to just wander their own way, coming up with whatever they pieced together, without a Bible or any church. The mind can be a dangerous playground, y’know?

Anyway, I went down at around 2:45am because I was finally wondering where my hubby was, and I’d already written a letter, did some singing, folded clothes–and finally prayed for the conversation downstairs, asking Christ to bestow wisdom to my husband in his defense of the faith. The discussion was in full swing. I actually became interested, due to my brother actually caring to listen, and presenting arguments I knew well.

And though he used me as an example at first of one who just is confused/backslidden/crazy (lol), when I finally sat down next to my mate, and got involved, and presented things, I was amazed….

Brother was actually listening to me, and using what I said, and letting me give examples (due to me having understood where he’s coming from), and he was actually equating husband and me as being Catholic, and a team!

It was breakthrough to me because this particular brother and I don’t really ever interact/connect, yet here he was, being the first person in the family to actually consider me on the same level and part of the same faith as my husband. It felt good, and strong to be on that playing field.

My husband and I don’t alwaze see eye to eye on things in life, and even when we’re trying to talk about our faith to each other–but last night God showed me that we ARE of the same faith, and in the SAME Church, and ARE following Him together, as a team. And when we are focusing on what’s important, we make a pretty nifty team! We each bring something different to the discussion table, as it were. He’s the historian, technical, I know the Church person, and I’m the I am learning my faith from God, slower, but realizing it’s really real person (lol, if that makes any sense!).

Anyway, it was amazing to be seated next to my man, and to be a witness for the Faith with him.

My brother was really interested, and I am praying he’ll do some searching for himself, on his own, and come to Christ through the Church and God’s leading.

It was a good night, and a conversation that probably could’ve gone on all through the morning, but it was nearing 5am, and we finally had to get to sleep. But I am so thankful that God was leading, and the Blessed Mother was no doubt praying along with our own hearts during the conversation.

I’m sure that it probably can, and if not, contributes widely to most of the ailments a person can face…I’ve been coming face to face with so much stress daily, that I’m sure my baby is going to come out of my womb freaking out and with a forming ulcer!

Sounds like a joke, but honestly! Oy vey…Living here with family is making me lose my wits daily, and fighting with my Mother is really wearing. We are so obnoxious and stubborn the both of us, it seems.

Not to mention my husband had an epiphany yesterday, or something like that (in the negative sense), because of something I said, and he almost freaked out. He takes things too technically, and constantly equates everything to everything that’s already over and past..

A friend wrote to me today, telling me how she loves her life, and how it’s been so healthy, and that’s surely because there’s no longer any stress…hah!

To feel that way…grr…

I am so weak in my faith, and such a struggling bad example of a Catholic, as my husband constantly reminds me (not by saying as such, but in saying how “Protestant/anti-Catholic” I seem…).

Weather permitting, tomorrow we head to St. Michael’s for Confession and then Mass. I really do miss it. I feel so empty, and I know I’m not in a good way. I admit, I’ve purposely not gone to Mass in weeks past, or held my anger against hubby as a reason to stay..but we also were held up by weather, etc. It’s really sucky being at the mercy of other people for such a vital element for our souls! My parentals just consider it ‘church’, so if we can’t go, well, we’ll go next week. But what if our souls are so lax, and something happens to us?! *sigh* I cannot wait to get out of this house, and back on our own again.

Anyway. I am reading a booklet that one of our priests recommended to me one week in the Confessional booth, entitled “Uniformity With God’s Will” by St. Alphonsus de Liguori (1696-1787). I really suck at reading through things, or keeping focus, or I guess just being interested enough to read long enough, but I am trying. And my goal this year is to not stop till I finish what I’m reading. Even a 31pg booklet! And even if it takes me a month! So I’ve been picking it up every few days and reading a few paragraphs or so.

I’ve actually found this to be helpful to me, because so much good, wise writing into my brain at one time doesn’t usually get heeded. This way, I can learn a little at a time. We do what we must, right?  So I’ve been reading, and learning–or trying to–because I know my will is not conclusive with God’s. But it’s a major struggle for me to know what God’s will is. I mean, I know it’s good and holy, but what IS IT in daily life??

So that’s a struggle.

Also, another point I’m having a tough time with is the concept St. Alphonsus states that everything comes from God, even the dark stuff. Which I guess in a way is true, but he writes:

“When anything disagreeable happens, remember it comes from God and say at once, “This comes from God” and be at peace…Lord, since Thou hast done this, I will be silent and accept it. Direct all your thoughts and prayers to this end…”

I guess it’s more about knowing God wants what’s best, and KNOWS what’s best, and is alwaze working our lives for good if we follow Him, right? It’s times like these I feel so dumb, and wish I had Catholic counsel, perhaps a good priest to talk to, and to get things explained by.

Of course, I am praying daily to be in God’s will, whatever it may be, and will start working on accepting whatever He “throws” at me with peace (don’t know how in the world one starts that LOL!). And I am a work in progress. I can only pray that God will have pity on me, and show me something simple to grasp.

I really enjoy the booklet, though, and St. Alphonsus has great wisdom.

Lord have mercy.

Yep. It already is. Can you believe it? Craziness. I woke up this morning realizing it’s already the 8th and I hadn’t written a blog yet for this year. Man am I slow, heh.

Well, I have a bit of excuses…Stress, being pregnant, stress…oh wait, I listed that one already! But it’s definitely a factor in my and my hubby’s life right now. But what can one expect? We are living in a bedroom in my parent’s house, and it’s a crazy situation.  We are trying to make the best of it. I give major props to husband–he’s a saint of patience (well, most times!), and good Catholic mind. And he has to deal with me! Crazy, pregnant, stubborn, stressed-to-the-nines, hating being here, not fully understanding my faith, etc…So he deals with a lot.

Plus, we’ve not been able to find him work yet, and it’s getting tough. Christmas we a disaster of stress, sickness, fighting, and over-all wastefulness. He was sick in bed with a terrible fever and stomach bug, I was morning sick all day, Long Island Sister and I were at each other’s throats…so yeah. The gifts were nice, but it was just chaos. As usual here. I wanted to much more for my first Christmas married, y’know?

But one thing I’m learning as a married woman in a poor, chaotic situation–I’ll have to settle for a lot. We live, we learn.

New Year’s was slightly better–ok, much, because one of my best friends from NY, who I’ve not seen in over a year, came down to visit, and ended up staying for 3 days, which was awesome! But there was a lot of tension between hubby and myself, and certainly parentals, so it made the visit a bit stressful. Poor guy, he’s a sweetheart. Ugh. I can’t wait to be out of this house!

But I am trying to find myself wasting less time this year, and have decided that I want to concentrate more on writing stories/my book than articles. It’s just not my thing. Not right now, anyway. I’ve been getting my letters written, trying to get the inclination back to draw again, and keep things clean in our little room. But I get so bored easily. There’s only so many movies we can watch and time we can waste…gaaaah!

We’re also talking about the whole moving thing…but that’s another blog for another time. Peter wants to stay in PA, I’d rather die!

I can’t believe it’s 2009 already. Of course I still keep writing ‘08 on my letters and such. It’ll catch up though. My resolution this year is to make something of my time, and to get more focused towards God’s will for my life. That’s all I can do…