Catholic Animal Lover!

This is my cat (again). Berzerker Quaxo Milo. Isn’t he adorable? He’s an amazing creature, really. He’s extremely adaptable, and extremely intelligent. He’s been through a lot of stuff. Like me. He’s 3 1/2yrs old, un-neutered, and often wild.

When my hubby and myself came back here to PA, from Amarillo, TX, and got stuck at my family’s house, Berzerker reverted back to the way he used to be around my family–freaked. He has traumatic memories from this house, a lot like I do–and he reacts to the people here from those memories. Animals are smarter than people give them credit for. And they don’t forget.

So when he came into the house, he started growling, and to make the long story short–no one can really get near him but me. And my husband sometimes. But mostly me. He still scratches when I’m playing with him–like ALWAZE–but he will bite people and hisses at my brothers like crazy.

Husband has become determined to hate him, and tells me constantly how he wants to get rid of Berzerker. But I tell him I’d probably get rid of him if he did (constant jokes of poison etc, happen, and I say if he does, I shall do to him. Which of course isn’t true…right?).

Berzerker has a bad rap here. Everyone hates him, and he went after their other cat, which my younger Sister picked up right when Berzerker went to attack, and so she got scratched. So they hate him more. But he’s a good cat.

To me, anyway. He’s my baby. He will cuddle up by me when I’m sick or sad, and he listens to me. He’s been to at least 4 different homes with me over the past 3 yrs, and he’s been amazing through it all.

It’s tough having a husband, who came in after I already had my cat, because Berzerker was here first, and I guess he was my baby first! Hubby thinks the cat will end up harming our little one when it’s born–I insist the cat won’t, unless he’s given freedom to play with my child–who does that?! Especially since I know my cat is wild!

I care about my family, and my upcoming baby, and my husband. And my cat. He’s not alwaze a demon cat, and he’s not alwaze acting this way. I have people in my life who like Berzerker. He’s just unique. And he’s my baby! And he’s even cute when he looks like he wants to kill you, hehehe…

Life is so odd sometimes. And stressful. And crazy. And a pain. And yet, somehow, wonderful seems to still creep through. I’ll never stop being amazed at the wonderfulness when it creeps in. I just forget to look sometimes.

We’ve ended up at my parents’ house. I just want to say no one should EVER EVER live with their family/inlaws if they’re married. It’s ridiculous. And stresses out a couple’s life to no end.

That said…our marriage has been under severe strain, and not only that, we’ve come to a crossroads. We were fighting way too much, and I was too blind to see what was going on, or how I was hurting a man who only loves me, and only tries. So finally, when it got to the point where we were “no longer friends”, I had to realize there are things worth fighting for, even in this hell-hole house.

We got to go to Confession and the Traditional Latin Mass at St.Michael’s in Scranton. The parish wasn’t as bare as I thought it’d be, and was in fact quite beautiful. And the choir was awesome! It made the Mass not so “boring” to me, and in fact, I had that thing where suddenly things “hit” me, and make sense to me. Especially in the faith. With all the confusion and struggles I have with my faith, when God works a mirale of understanding in me, it’s something that just happens suddenly–or it wouldn’t happen any other way!

The Mass was beautiful, and I look forward to going back next Sunday! The only thing that sucked was when we went downstairs after, for coffee hr, everything cost $! It was odd. They sold like, pancakes and egg sandwiches! It was odd. And I didn’t feel like paying 50cents for my Church coffee!

Also, the Confessionals were in the back of the Church, and though we got there when Confession was to be starting, there was already a long line up the side of the Church. When Mass was to start, the priest left the C.box, and another priest went in the other Confessional on the other side, a young priest. So Confession went on all through Mass! I felt so bad for the people who were still in line when Holy Communion happened, becuase they didn’t get to receive. When we went into the Confessional, it was SO hard to hear! I could barely hear the preist, and had my ear ON THE GRATE! It was ridiculous. It was a good Confession, though I think he forgot some of my sins when he gave advice, but it was a great feeling to be God’s grace again. I missed that feeling.

So yeah, I still wish everything was English, but I’m coping. The choir was really nice. And after, when we decided we didn’t want any coffee/food for $, I went up to a conservative-looking young woman with a baby girl that was ADORABLE, and hanging from a carrier in front of her. I asked her if she’d made the thing, and told her how adorable her baby was. Turns out, her and her hubby live about 20mins from where we do! They’re young, have 3 little ones, and though they normally attend a parish closer to them, they’re planning to join St. Michael’s (more than likely). It was awesome. I felt so elated to meet others like ourselves (sort of, heh). And the husband–ironic–is a convert from the S.Baptist world!! We exchanged info, and are hopefully going to hang with them sometime. How nifty is that? It made my day.

Hubby still hasn’t found a job that’ll get back to him, but there are some prospects. And I need to start writing more…

Soo, a long time later…

We hopped into a Budget truck, moved across the Country again, and ended up back in PA. Back into my parents’ house. It’s a frying pan to fire situation. We are broke, stuck here, had a rough ride down (I drove the whole way, pregnant and crazy! lol).  But everything is crazy.

This place just does things to people. Like, depressing, painful things. Peter and I are up in the boys’ room, which is the hottest room in the house. We are crammed on a little bed, which is comfortable enough, but which is too small. It’s not that we’re not grateful, because we are. But the strain has been tough on our marriage.

Stress like you wouldn’t believe, and chaos. The worst factor is the lack of Mass aspect. Peter needs to get to Latin Mass, and I need to be back in a stable Catholic Church of some sort. It’s rediculous. Our faith is so strained. And being the only Catholics in this house/atmosphere, we’re pretty alone. Dad decided last minute we couldn’t go to Mass last wk, because a storm was supposedly coming. Turned out, it didn’t, and hubby was so bitter, he was blaming me all day for the lack of Mass.

We’re hating it here, but we’re having to stay here for now. Better than TX, but just barely. But I am glad to be back in the North East, though I wish I was in NY.

Anyway, I am finding everything tough. I need to find a way to strengthen my faith, and get out of this place, and us out of this straining situation.

Or we’ll wither and die.